something has changed inside of me. Perhaps a switch has been flipped in my head, or maybe something broke and I just didn’t notice. I’m truly terrified of what I am. no longer the affable young man looking to leave a smile and be loved. nowadays I’m guarded at best and, more often, an absolute asshole at my worst. Prayer and sleep allude me as life continues on regardless. Leaving me unsure if it is my state of mind devolving or a progression towards something yet unseen. Without that knowledge there is little to do but to carry on with eyes wide open. Dare I show my hand? Would it even matter if I did?! It’s not just an unwillingness to be warm and feeling, there is a lack of emotion all together. No opinion based in the roots of pathos stirs in my soul. currently inclined to make all decisions out of an act of self-preservation and the logic of any given moment. The question presented, am I even human? Proof of that lays only in my past, yet here I stand, eyes fixed forward. Pursuing the horizon as quickly as I can and I am struck with epiphany. There are still dreams in my mind and in the little sleep I get. There’s really no better indicator of my humanity. That I have hopes and I have dreams, and I still long for the days to come…
Stand on the verge of the precipice
Prepare for what is to come.
In my heart I hope that I am ready
a storm rising in the West,
a wind in the valley below,
the results of a tumultuous spring
Again waging the revolution of life.
See the crash of light,
and the Fearsome dance goes on,
the inevitable Fight of time
Immovable forces forever tumble in the night
the risk is real, exposed as I am
unnoticeable to the tempest
Still I remain, standing here
taunting the beasts I face
“Is that all you can do?!”
Peace, Love, and Happiness…
nowadays we all talk about loving yourself. That’s good and great and all, though it’s an incomplete idea. Often we choose to overlook our flaws and problems as part of a beautiful whole. It is a betrayal of what has shaped us into who we are. The reality is that it is entirely possible to follow the popular sentiment of “loving yourself” and still acknowledge the rough parts that got you where you are. For myself, I appreciate everything that comprises who I am, but I also recognize that some of it is not so great. Some of it is down right awful and needs to be done away with.
So long as we’re going to be spend all this time being introspective we might as well consider ourselves in the future tense. There lies all our hopes, dreams, and visions. It is there that we can go beyond who we are now because future us contains all possibilities. I encourage you to try this. I encourage you to dream. You’ll find it makes you poetic about yourself. In turn that helps you be poetic about your past and present also. And just maybe you’ll discover there’s beauty in the light and the dark.
Peace, Love, and Happiness…